That Strange Feeling!!!

Lub Dub...Lub Dub...weird isn't it?

You must be bamboozled by the way I started this post. But don't worry. Its not weird at all. In fact, any sane spirit is expected to react the very way you did. And no, I haven't lost my mind...at least not yet.

I have spent the last few days traveling...nothing out of the blue for me. 'Was hitting the hills again. There's this thing that I always like about traveling...it gives you loads of time to indulge in past times that you like...some of us like to read, some like to write, some listen to their favorite music. I, like to think. And there's nothing like the cool milieu of the mountains to get your thoughts straight.

Most of the times I have preferred to engage myself in ideas that influence me in my habitual routine - work, science to list a couple of 'em. Primarily, because you can quantify and easily recall what you thought all that while. But for the first time, I decided to venture into something more poignant - more by chance that by choice I presume, thanks to some of the music on my playlist.

Now, romantic music has not been my cup of tea, nor has romance by itself. And so haven't any matters related to heart (I don't intend to mislead you into falsely believing any thoughts that may be surfacing in your mind). I will be candid. I have always been a vicarious learner in this arena. I haven't thought of plausible excuses for the same but I think I am too weak hearted.

Now, I don't know what your concept of 'love' is. Nor am I very clear on what mine is either. I have not read any of the Mills & Boon ever. Yes, I have had crushes. Everyone does. Those phases when you are totally, wholesomely engrossed and immersed in thoughts of that single soul are as equally healing as they are pinching. That oscillation between the crests and troughs of the emotional wave is by far the most excruciating feeling to experience, let alone describing it. Probably, that's why some of the most pristine proses are written during this heightened course. There are thousands of instances to cite - at one end of the spectrum are those ranging from the painful wait to just catch a glimpse of your loved one every evening, that enduring look at the phone to check for messages, the disappointment at the end of the day when you haven't had a word making you feel that this day on this planet was not worthwhile...to the sheer joy and ecstasy you experience when there is that surprise message, the brief exchange of small talk, the skipped heart beat when you do manage to see 'em. Too many of 'em to put across but I am sure that I got my point across.

The only complication that I have envisage in this whole scheme of things is the utter need to express it. Truly said, "when it comes to love words just don't fit in your mouth at the right moment. You always blabber or remain silent when the lady love strikes you".
Wish 'twas easier. Where is telepathy when you need it?

That reminds me of a nice li'l story that I came across on the world wide web few days ago, and it aptly fits the previous dialogue...I don't know who the original author is but my sincerest thanks to him for giving us this following work...here it goes - its called "I wish she was mine"

10th grade

As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Senior year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Funeral
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! `I wish I did too...` I thought to my self, and I cried.

Now that your heart is buoyant beyond control, let me hold things back and finish this off on a lighter note, thanks to www again...

"Today I caught myself smiling for no reason... then I realized I was thinking about you"

The End.

And as Richard LaGravenese so beautifully crafted,

P.S. I love you